First and foremost, I just wanna add that this man I wrote about, is now my boyfriend! 🙂
Introverts can date?- Long story
This is news to me and here’s the story of how I recently found this out.
Pre-story info: A guy I’ve liked for roughly 6 months now asked me to go to a wedding for a friend of his. Sure, as long as that friend was okay with it because let’s be honest, who would want someone they’ve only briefly met in a Wal-Mart at their wedding? She said yes and my crush- we’ll call him Link for nerdy reasons- offered to let me stay the night.
Link, his roommate, two other friends who I vaguely knew (Although I do share an inside joke with one of them thanks to a rat and a bar), and myself arrived after roughly 2 hours of driving and just as we were walking up to the church, one of them made a comment about this being a Catholic and Mexican wedding. Whatever though, right? I can generally tough out religious situations as long as I just go with the flow. What I did not expect was an hour of not understanding the priest and not knowing if I needed to stand up like 3/4 of the congregation was doing. Also, why was he putting crackers directly in some people’s mouth but handing it to others? It was okay, though. Link and I shared comfort in our confusion and just kind of awkwardly laughed it off.
Anyway, so afterward, the five of us headed to a shopping center to kill some time before the reception and I was having a blast because it had been so long since I’d spent time with Link. He’s a GENTLEMEN gentlemen type- i.e. holds doors open for you, offers to pay for small things, offers to hold your bag. At first, I thought it was cute because that means he cares and I know he likes me as the night before, I got to watch his face as his roommate texted him that I liked him and that’s a story for another time. So, I’m fine with it until we get to the reception. Lemme give you a short list of what I experienced and if it comes out crude, just remember that I don’t enjoy these things and didn’t even know they were going to occur. I suspect no one at our table really did.
1.) Mexicans love to dance and play music which is a duh, but what was not completely obvious was the fact that they were going to play Mexican music at full blast, zero stops, no we will not turn down the volume this is not a fucking library, and you are going to leave this place with a ringing in your ears for some time.
I HATE being in social situations that are not only hella loud, but I also don’t know anyone outside the table. If I’d had more confidence at the time, I’d be more inclined to talk but I really just wanted to leave. We did. And no one could hear very well for a few minutes after we left. With our ears still ringing and my mood deteriorating fast, I became increasingly annoyed at any little thing. Link was following me around the mall we’d decided to visit, Link held doors open for all of us, Link tried to hold my purchased items for me, his roommate refused to tip the waiter because he wasn’t perfect, then everyone else wanted to go back to the reception because, by that time, the Mexican music would be over and other types of music would be playing. I didn’t say anything because I’m always an anxious person and had already decided I was done with the night. I did what anyone with best friends in other states did and texted them for advice. My best friend A told me to call her after I told everyone I wanted to be alone. I told Link this but for some reason, he just said “That’s fine,” and then proceeded to sit down by me. At the time, he was most likely trying to be supportive, but I just got annoyed again. After a minute or two, I told him I was going for a walk and called A up. I don’t remember how long the call lasted but it was long enough for my battery to drain from 18% to 3% and for my mood to be lifted like how the rapture occurs in movies and TV shows. I went back in, apologized to Link, although he could probably barely hear me, and after about 5 minutes of awkwardly standing next to him while I squeezed my hands and fingers, he suggested we get out of the loud ass room and back outside. He told me he knew I hated the noise and when we sat down I explained my anxiety the best way I could to him.
1.) Once again, I’m not a big fan of prolonged loud noises, especially when I’m in new social situations.
2.) I have social anxiety, used to take anti-depressants for it but felt I was being lazy by taking meds because I had told myself that my anxiety “just isn’t that bad.”
3.) I’m a highly selfish person when it comes to my alone time. I love it more than anything and even get tired of having people I’m very close to around me.
4.) I can only take so much social interaction. My meter was full, I wanted to go home.
Yes, I know this is all selfish of me and I was probably seen as a major buzzkill, but nothing I was doing by myself was cheering me up and sometimes I have to call my friends for help to avoid situations from worsening. I can proudly say that most of the time, I’m pretty good at handling things myself but all of this was new to me. The good news: Link took it surprisingly well. He was very calm and told me he understood because he would get anxious as well, although he is better maintained (that last part wasn’t something he said. it was just something I noted at the time).
So, after all of this, I realized that introverts and people with anxiety actually have a chance at dating. Yes, I am 21 years old and I finally have a relationship starting to bloom that is healthy. All because he is patient and understanding and even though I may burden him with my anxiety, he can actually handle it and not immediately become irritated and disinterested. He had my comfort and happiness in mind the whole time and after my shitty mood ended, I never felt more like an asshole for getting frustrated with him for just doing little things for me. I have quickly become more infatuated with him and plan to ask him out the next time we are alone together.