Because I can practically feel it taking over the blood in my body. Everything feels so slow, even the amazing experiences I’ve had, today. I’ve been wanting to make content all day but every time I type up something, I just want to chuck my laptop across the room. Nothing I type feels good! I thought I could get some use out of how I’ve been feeling this past month, but now I barely have the energy to actually make a decent post. I even bought a cheap microphone in the hopes that I’d feel like making some audio posts.
Is that going to happen?
I doubt it.
I can’t exactly pull out the microphone right now since my sister in law is sitting five feet away from me and I don’t want her knowing about this blog (at least, maybe not right now). I also don’t want her to know I’m dealing with all of this mental mess.
According to my bank account, I can’t afford counseling or trips to my general doctor for medication. So, I’m out of good ideas. The wine I purchased and my journaling are some of the few things keeping me somewhat stable enough to go to a job I don’t even like for even less money than my previous job. I want to leave but they asked me if I wanted to try out a different area and I’m too curious to see if I’ll like it to be actively searching for a different job. I probably will leave in the end. I miss my 8-5, Monday-Friday schedule.
Does depression mess with your sex drive ‘cuz I’m still upset with myself for not having a libido. Actually, this is something so weird I’ll make it a post on its own.
I need to go to bed. I’m planning on going out with some of my family and I really just want to feel something positive, tomorrow.
Side note: I think I’m getting my wisdom teeth. Thankfully, my mouth isn’t hurting but it does feel weird and I can see the slightest bit of a tooth on the lower left side of the back of my mouth.
