There are so many times when I think about the relationship I’m in being a bit much for me. I feel expected to want to be around my boyfriend all the time and any time we are alone, I become anxious because I know he’s thinking about sex. We’ve done it a couple times but I don’t get a lot out of it and after it I just feel awkward. Sometimes I’ll tell him I just don’t want to be touched and, for the most part, he’ll respect that. One of the times I told it, I was in pain from my period and he’d ask how I was feeling and give me a hug every once in a while which was nice but not what I’d wanted to begin with.
I get that lust is fairly normal for people but it’s so uncool when you don’t feel like being objectified and then someone comes along and talks about your butt. Woohoo… I have a butt. Okay.
Of course, there are other times when I do miss him and want to cuddle up to him. I’ll even want sex but I’ve noticed those times are whenever he isn’t around or when I’m drunk (sometimes both). I don’t like that I usually want these things when he isn’t around. It feels unfair to the both of us.