You ever go through a day where you can’t attach yourself to one emotion? If the answer is yes, than you just might keep reading. Who knows, these days. Even if you can’t relate, there’s still a chance you’re interested. Either way, I’ll continue explaining why I’ve brought you here today to ask this agonizing question. This morning, I was feeling pretty cynical and a bit in the dumps. I was certain I wasn’t going to be able to pay my water bill without having to dig into my meager savings but, thankfully, after some careful calculations, I’d come to realise I was fine. Still, I stayed in the low. I even stayed that way after I realized how slow my shift was going to be and I enjoy slow shifts because that means I can use works WiFi to download Youtube videos for later consumption. I continued occupying the dumps until I forced myself to try the Relax app on my Fitbit (I could only wish this was sponsored) and then about an hour after that, still somewhat down, I was given a tip at work. It’s rare but it has always brightened my day. Especially since I’ve been counting pennies, literally. What I was really stressing about was that I’d recently met one of the higher ups at the hotel I work at and she’s in charge of quality control through the entire hotel. She gave me this spiel about having enough food throughout breakfast but not so much that I waste a lot of it by throwing it away at the end of the day. It was hard hearing her say I had to keep the place full until 30 minutes until close but then turn around and say that I need to make sure I don’t make too much food. Lady, do you not understand how this works? You can’t really predict everyday. Anyway, I was thinking about her words because we had the least amount of rooms booked today that I’ve ever worked and I still made a plentiful amount. I blame my brain going on autopilot while I was setting everything up. In the end, after all my anxiety about it, we had a good amount of people come down for food so I didn’t waste much. After that, I was up for a while and even talked with some of my coworkers, but then I felt my brain slip into its low as I was closing up to clean. I felt like I went into autopilot again and I actually got out of work about 30 minutes earlier than normal.
Coffee break: I don’t understand how dad liked it black. I HAVE to have both creamer and sugar in it. The bitterness hurts my poor taste buds.
So, you see how I can’t seem to stay in one place in my head for very long. I’ve always been confused by that. How come I can’t control which emotion I want and how long it stays there? I hear, all the time that you make your own misery and I’m sure that’s true but it’s difficult to understand the reasoning behind my misery, sometimes. I’ve caught myself making my own misery and that’s one thing; however, I can’t explain the type of sadness that occurs at the most random times.
My goal in understanding my emotions is therapy and digging deep.