My friend Nigel from NERDtorch is making a whole ass movie! And it looks legit! If you want to, you can check out his insta @nitrohotfire. He’s been posting vlogs of behind the scenes about said movie under his Vampire film story. He’s also got a few sneak peak shots that look pretty fly. Heh heh.
When he asked me if I wanted to be in it, I was a bit skeptical because I haven’t really acted since my haunted hayride days and I want to forget those as soon as I think about them. But I figured I’d give it a shot. I’m trying to push myself out of my comfort zone more and I knew this was a big way to do it. I was right, too. After wrapping up my first scene, I already felt a heart beat of change.
Well, it was that and Nigel and I talking a lot about human behavior throughout the shoot. Humans are interesting motherfuckers and it’s hard to change them. That was pretty much my main takeaway from our conversation. So, today I did a lot of thinking (as I normally do) about my brain and some things I’d love to change about it. One of my main ideas was that I needed to work on some things before I’m inevitably called off the waitlist for therapy. I don’t want to show up empty handed acting like I have no idea why my brain isn’t working. There are, at least, a few things I could stand to work on. For example, letting things go. I have a really weird problem where any little thing could stick in my head for hours. I did this today when I told a man good morning at work and for some reason my brain told me I did it funny so I scrunched up my hand like I was cringing and thought about how weird the salutation was even though from the man’s standpoint it was probably totally normal. Sometimes, my actions are weird and it’s okay for me to think about them but not for too long which is my problem. I don’t want people to think I’m weird but in doing that, I end up looking weirder.
Another example would be crushing some bad habits. I really suck at doing some tasks with speed and quality. That, and I have some weird habits that make me slower. Sometimes, I’m worried I’m gonna drop something or mess it up so I’ll go slow-mo on said task which just looks weird. I noticed this when I went to go throw tissue paper away and I slowly put my foot on the trash can’s lever and slowly pushed down on it so the lid wouldn’t fly open and hit the wall. I’ve been trying to curb that habit by rushing through some easy tasks that don’t really require a high quality finish. (i.e. throwing shit away, shutting doors, etc.) It’s fucking weird how odd some of my actions are. Like, why am I doing things so slow?
Sometimes I think or do things and have to wonder if there really is something seriously wrong with my brain. The poor guy. I’ve fucked it up.
Anyway, lemme skedaddle. I need to return a windshield wiper because I overthought which one I needed to buy. I needed a rear one and the package literally said rear. Yet, for some reason my brain said “eh, conventional probably just means it works for both rear and front”… That’s so not what that means, brain.