1-14-20

Oof, I’ve had a rough few days. Well, the 12th was mainly the rough part. I guess yesterday was more mentally rough, too. Well on the 12th, Tristan and I went to Brendan and Sarah’s house to hang out and so Tris could put in some applications. We get there, Tris vaguely tries for 30 minutes, he gives up because he “forgot” his password to something, and I decide that I’m done with him. We leave and not even 5 minutes down the road, it’s thunder storming and my windshield wiper on the driver’s side pops off. Fuck! We pull over, Tris attempts to fix the wiper, get back in the car, not even two wipes later the damn thing flies off. Screw it. We somehow made it until right after we passed our old high school. Then, the water came crashing down again and I ended up driving off the road, missing a sign by a few feet. Tristan had to yell the direction I needed to go so we wouldn’t get in a wreck. After deliberating for 10 minutes, Tristan ended up driving us home. It took a while cuz he drove safely and slowly (about 20 miles an hour). My entire body buzzed with anxiety by the time we reached the motherland. The terrible part was that the next day, I had to drive Tristan’s car to work which, by the way, has no insurance and is a shotty car. I was so anxious all day yesterday! I did what I used to do when I worked at McDonalds and I’d “tick mark reached objectives”. This means that I’d think of the objectives (i.e. driving safely to work, dealing with work while running on anxiety and coffee, buying new wipers, driving home safely and without being pulled over) and then I’d tick them off as I reached them. It’s just something I like doing to help with my anxiety. Although, when I did it at McDonalds, I’d tick off the hours. I worked an 8-hour shift so I’d divide those hours into $2. I’d say, 1 hour is a quarter and 4 hours is a dollar. So, I need to make $2 by the end of the shift. My objectives would be dealing with the things I had to do at work and getting through $2 worth of hours until my shift was over with. I also used to do that when I was working at Irish Bred Pub except, I would use a small scrap of paper or I’d steal a used server’s pad and write 3-4 hours down. Since, that’s not a lot to write down, I’d do 30-minute increments. I have a problem.

Anyway, I was able to successfully tick off all my objectives except 1/3 of the windshield wipers I bought. I gotta go return one cuz I bought the wrong kind of rear wiper. That’s fine though cuz I, at least, have one on there. It’s just shitty cuz the rubber part of it has fallen off so now the wiper’s kinda scraping instead of wiping. It still, somewhat, does the trick so I’m not worried. Besides, I rarely get too much water on my back windshield since it’s not slanted like my front one is.

Okay, I need to finish this up. I’m going over to Beau’s house and hanging out. I’m still not sure on whether I’ll be staying the night or if I’ll come home. Tomorrow, I’m doing a scene on Nigel’s movie. It’s about vampires and detectives.

Published by iffybiffy

Hi! I started this blog to talk about exploring deeper into my mental health! I tend to understand things better as I write or type them down so there are time where things may not make sense to you but, fear not, it's just me understanding things. if you would like to get in contact with me, email me at iffybiffy100@gmail.com. See you online-

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