1-16-20

So, can pills really change a person’s entire thought process? I know they can change your mood because I used to take anti-depressants (Lexapro and Escitalopram- which are pretty much the same thing). I would usually get to the point where I either felt one of two things: nothing or everything. The thing is, I’m desperate to shake my brain normal. But, I’m not sure how fast I can change my brain. I want to correct my bad behaviors so that’ll have to be a physical change. However, how much can I change chemically and emotionally with just a prescription? Also, what the fuck is wrong with me? What’s going to be said to me after they inevitably assess me? 

P.S. When are they gonna assess me? I don’t think I’ve actually waited for very long. I just checked. December 5th. That’s really not long. The woman on the phone had warned that it wouldn’t be until spring (probably) until there was an opening. That won’t be for another few months at least. 

This is both good and bad. It’s good because I’ve decided to really dig deep in making my life better. I need to start exercising, eating better, and thinking healthier thoughts. If I show up to my training psychiatrist empty handed, they’re gonna just shake their head.

So, Nickie G, Justin (our new possible roommate), and I are looking for a place. I’ve found a really nice place and I’m worried we won’t have the money in time for it. Think of it: $695 split into three which is roughly $232. That’s first months rent. The woman also wants $600 for a deposit. Split into three which is $200. They also have a pet deposit fee which is $200 per pet. I’m paying that by myself because I’m the only one with actual pets. Nickie G’s 3 gerbils are hide-able. So, 232+200+400= $832. That’s two paychecks and then some!

So, here’s my idea: I get a second job instead of just straight quitting La Quinta. I don’t want to leave a place where I’ve grown comfortable with everyone and I’m comfortable with doing most of my tasks. I’ll be learning the front desk probably sometime next week. I’m super anxious but I know once I get good, my anxiety will be awesome. Okay, so I’m thinking of a few places I could jump for and I even talked to Brittany who does scheduling for front desk and she’s even encouraging it. She let me know that when she was my age, she used to always have two jobs. So, here’s to hoping. Basically, what I’ve come down to is that my entire check could be used for bills and the extra money could be for saving and for a possible future in school!

Published by iffybiffy

Hi! I started this blog to talk about exploring deeper into my mental health! I tend to understand things better as I write or type them down so there are time where things may not make sense to you but, fear not, it's just me understanding things. if you would like to get in contact with me, email me at iffybiffy100@gmail.com. See you online-

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