1-4-20

I’m one step closer to becoming a descendant of Carrie Bradshaw. Mom (and gpa and gma) gave me a bracelet with my name on it. I found it funny because it was a total coincidence. Same brand and everything. Anyway, the good news is that mom didn’t force everyone to stare at me while she asked me about Beau. Actually, Sarah brought him up more often than mom. Well, to be specific, she whispered her questions to me so no one else heard. I’m nervous and excited for mom to meet him tomorrow. The whole day, I kept thinking it was Sunday instead of Saturday. I rushed to get all my cleaning at work done and still ended up realizing it was only Saturday.

I can at least say I had an interesting conversation with J.B at work. He’s one of the front desk coworkers and he loves trying to get me to listen to old rock and the blues. J.B is… a bit strange but in a good way. Like, he isn’t afraid to talk about much. I haven’t found a topic he won’t land on. Today, we talked about how to commit a successful robbery, addiction, and mental illness. He was interested in hearing my opinion about addiction which I have to admit is definitely subject for change because I don’t have much of one. Erm, I think it’s bad. That’s about it. J.B told me he doesn’t feel sympathy for people with addiction and he thinks it’s pretty much their fault. Interesting point that I mostly agreed with until I posted to a subreddit where someone who claimed to be an MD said people with an addiction are fighting because their addiction has become “instinct”. They spouted some mumbo jumbo supporting facts and I somewhat lifted from J.B’s opinion. Now I’m back to square one. The whole reason I even bothered posting to the subreddit is because I told J.B I’d thought about making our conversation into a blog post. (That’s right, I told someone who isn’t a total stranger about my blog) and he wants to read it when I’m done.

I took about 30 minutes to type the post up on my phone a few hours ago and I’m somewhat proud of it. He may or may not like it. The main reason I’m talking people into reading my blog is because I need to get out of my head about the idea that everyone NEEDS to love my blog. I’m getting the feeling that J.B will read the post he’s featured in and maybe one more. Judging by his reaction to me saying I write about mental illness; he won’t like my posts too much. He might like my more sexual posts cuz he’s not afraid to joke about that. Although he doesn’t do it very much so maybe not.

We also talked about something I could do for when I finally grow up. J.B suggested I go into an internship. Now, if I could just find one…

Also, so grandpa and grandma decided to question me about my future. I told them I wanted to write because I was feeling brave. They seemed excited about it for all of two seconds. Then they made the usual snarky comment that I should probably minor in something because I might not ever get paid. How fun. I had to really hide the eye roll. This is why I don’t visit them. I get it, they are trying to warn me, but have some faith in me, at least. You haven’t even seen my work. All they did was joke about me becoming a journalist so I could write about the future: World War 3. They jumped topics after that and I was both happy and ungrateful about it. Happy because I don’t have to listen to grandpa talk about how amazing Brendan is for getting a job in machining and then try to convince me to do the same. Ungrateful because I at least wanted some positive feedback before jumping ship.

Okay I need to do some reading about anxiety. I’ve been reading first, we make the beast beautiful by Sarah Wilson. Every time Sarah suggests I try something, I do it as a little experiment. I don’t do it wholeheartedly since I suck at committing to anything that’s helpful to me.

Published by iffybiffy

Hi! I started this blog to talk about exploring deeper into my mental health! I tend to understand things better as I write or type them down so there are time where things may not make sense to you but, fear not, it's just me understanding things. if you would like to get in contact with me, email me at iffybiffy100@gmail.com. See you online-

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