1-31-20 My brain is fog

One day I hope to give my friends and family the same hospitality they have always offered me. I will give them a warm bed or a comfy couch with blankets of their choosing. I will give them nice meals with choices so they actually eat something that isn’t cheap and it’ll be something THEY want. If they need it, I can supply them with that good internet and maybe even a few consoles if they like gaming. Just something they can have fun with. My home will be clean and warm and, at least, decorated enough that it doesn’t look like a cheap motel. 

Okay, enough groggy typing. I just woke up to my back and my legs soaking wet. I didn’t really feel the wetness so much as I felt cold. I was just confused by the fact that I was still cold, somehow, even though my heater’s on full blast and my comforter was completely covering me. Except, it was also wet… with dog pee. My dog, Alfie, has been using the bathroom (only number 1, thankfully) on my bed for a little while, now. It’s not every time but more once every so often, except for one night when he peed twice. I have a strong feeling he’s gettingold and his bones are hurting him. He’s roughly 10 years old if the vet is correct. They had to take a stab at his age because we’d gotten him from a classmate who told me Alfie had been dropped off at his house. Anyway, it has been a good minute since Alfie has been to a vet because of money issues and the fact that I suck with money (who the fuck let me be an adult), so I decided that I will slap myself in the face and take Alfie and my cat, Oreo, to the vet when my income tax comes in. I would just go ahead but my credit card is in awful shape right now and it’s the only extra money I have. Here’s the thing, though. I’m worried about Alfie. I’ve already talked about his age and bone problems, but another thing I worry about is that when we first got him, we ended up using a large amount of our taxes for Alfie’s heartworm surgery and neutering. I don’t think he’s had any symptoms of heartworms but there’s always that chance since we live out in the woods that he could have it again. That means his lifespan would be shortened. That does NOT make me happy… I don’t know what the vet will say when we all gobut I hope it’s not bad. I feel stupid hoping for that but I’m gonna anyways.

So, personally, I’ve been dealing with some weird symptoms that have been plaguing me for the past few days. My sides hurt randomly and for different amounts of time and pain. My right ear has been faintly throbbing (not painful) at random times, as well. I’ve had a few headaches here and there but those might be from stress. I’ve also been having a little bit of trouble focusing, sometimes. I just end up staring off into space and I’ve already got a crap memory so it just seems a little worse. I can’t tell if I’m sleepier because I usually nap after work. Being up since 330AM isn’t good for anyone. Definitely makes you tired. I felt worse today because I was doing video training for 4 and ½ hours so my head felt so foggy afterwards. I tried staying up a little more by grocery shopping, attempting to fix our sink because a rat got in there, putting 4 rats traps out, paying the water bill, and cleaning. Actually, I even meal planned for the next week. I’m kinda proud of myself because I’m actually eating healthier. It’s apart of my want to change so that I might, eventually, be like those normal people who don’t live their lives through shit-covered lenses.

I’m tired and my head is still hurting so I’m gonna end this post here. I hope y’all are having a better day than I am. I also hope this headache goes away.

Published by iffybiffy

Hi! I started this blog to talk about exploring deeper into my mental health! I tend to understand things better as I write or type them down so there are time where things may not make sense to you but, fear not, it's just me understanding things. if you would like to get in contact with me, email me at iffybiffy100@gmail.com. See you online-

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