There’s only one good thing that’s come out of this virus- at least, personally for me.
That one thing is that I haven’t thought about my past issues in some time. Okay, saying this is because of the pandemic is a bit of a stretch but it’s… helped. Eh.
What I mean is that, roughly 5-6 months ago, I was thinking about the decisions I’d made in the past, the people I used to be friends with, the mistakes I’ve made and I used to put all of those thoughts on this repeating track that was reminding me every time I had a spare second that I wasn’t perfect.
Well guess what? I don’t fucking care about that anymore. (Excuse the language. I’m feeling rather free tonight). It’s just, I’ve noticed that ever since I had so much shit to deal with in 2016, I’ve been holding it all together like a child trying to show all their toys the same affection. I’ve given it my time of day and once I really started focusing on the real things happening around me which includes new things at work and, now, the virus, my brain just, sort of, pushed all those thoughts to the backroom and, even now, I don’t really care to think about them. I’ve got all this time to mope and I don’t want to. I want to deal with this whole Maladaptive Daydreaming thing, get on some medicine, and cheer at the fact that I have a relationship that’s 9 months and still going strong.
Okay, sorry just got back from pillaging my old room so I could find my dad’s old love letters to mom. I need the info he slips into each letter for the book and it’s about to feel like homework taking notes from each letter. Except, this will be kinda fun and a little gross cuz dad talked about having sex in a few of them. No details, but just the mention alone is enough for me to put them down. Then again, I really don’t have much shame left ever since I “hacked” his email and found all those lude photos dad took of his friends during our house painting party. AKA The Paint Party. Should I add that into the book or is that too much? Maybe I’ll sprinkle some hints in and just hope whoever’s editing doesn’t ask for proof.
Okay, I guess I could say this whole Corona thing does have another perk about it. I have all the time in the world to write this darn book. I want to finish it but I don’t even have a clue about all the details. So, this is where I can do my thinking. I’ve got the outline, some of the big plot points, memories about him, photos for proof of his extreme measure to seem badass, you name it. I just need to unscramble my brain and JUST DO IT!