4-7-20

I haven’t bothered to start counting and I still won’t. I can’t tell you how long I’ve been in quarantine. Okay, so this is a lie. I could totally tell you and I probably will. I think I stopped working on the 28th or 21st of March. I’m pretty sure it has been since the 21st. I guess I have to admit that I’m not really staying home either. I know, I know, shoot me… Please.

I’ve been going to the store, rarely, and to my older brother and sister in laws house to hang out with the nephew. I think I’ll stop after this time. The main reasons I showed up are as followed: 1) Terminix was scheduled to flea bomb the trailer today so I was planning to take my pets and brother to their house (they didn’t and changed the date without alerting me, shame on them) and 2) it is my nephew’s second birthday so I figured I’d celebrate it with him. 

Speaking of nephew, he’s chilling next to me right now… Oh wait, he just slid off the couch to hang with Uncle Tristan. It’s nice to see that he loves him, despite the little effort Tristan puts into loving him back. Lately, I’ve been wondering how Tristan would be acting right now if he had been pushed into integrating into society instead of sitting at home and playing video games all day like he does now. I’m somewhat happy he is gonna get money from the stimulus check because that means he gets to pay for next months bills and 6 months’ worth of car insurance and he can afford Dr. Sarah Covington’s services. She’s the doctor my older brother and his wife go to for their mental health medication. She’s definitely going to notice this whole family is fucked up. Brendan, my older brother, has already given her the rundown of the family’s history with medication. She spoke with him about family genetics and how she wished medicine for anxiety and depression and what not was more available back in the 50s. 

The idea that Tris, my twin brother, and I could finally get onto some medication makes my stomach untighten.

—-

And it has just re-tightened. My boss told me he has me scheduled for 2 front desk shifts for next weekend. I asked him if we have gotten any busier but I’m really doubting it. Especially since Alabama now has the stay at home order going on. It’s not that I hate front desk shifts. It’s more that I get anxious I won’t be able to answer someone’s question or I’ll be too slow, or I’ll mess something up and they’ll put a bad review and the rule with the hotel is bad review= write up. Even if you couldn’t have really fixed the situation or nothing was ever your fault, it’s still a write up. This is all because we’ve had bad reviews on front desk enough that I guess they assumed threatening us was how they would attempt to solve that problem. It’s not. With my anxiety, it’s become more of a problem. 

My boss told me the reason I got these shifts wasn’t because we are getting more rooms (it’s probably the complete opposite) but because a coworker gave up 2 days for me. I know it’s the usual weekend front desk coworker. I appreciate it, too. 16 hours will be nice. Plus, it’ll be the usual slow weekend so it’ll be easy. 

These are things I’m trying to tell myself so I won’t worry as much. My only real issue is wondering if I’ll still get Partial Unemployment since I’ll be working. 

Anyway, let me get back to my family so they won’t think I’m a complete butthole for choosing NOW to type a journal update. 

Published by iffybiffy

Hi! I started this blog to talk about exploring deeper into my mental health! I tend to understand things better as I write or type them down so there are time where things may not make sense to you but, fear not, it's just me understanding things. if you would like to get in contact with me, email me at iffybiffy100@gmail.com. See you online-

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