I’m writing at 1:48am and I’m sorry if this has a lot of errors in spelling. I’m avoiding turning on too many lights in the house so I won’t wake up Sarah or Grayson.
So, I’m caught between two directions right now. And I mean right this second. Basically, the two directions are negative and positive. I have a huge tendency to listen or watch something that changes my personality for a bit. I’m assuming this is normal for most people, though. It’s just, I’ve been listening to Tessa Violet’s Bad Ideas album and it happens that every time I even get halfway through the album I want to crack out my wine, paint my lips dark, dress in that hot but a total bitch kinda way, and sit in my negative thoughts. I’m very confused about that since I actually kind of want to go through a phase like that but then about 2 hours later (sometimes more) I come back to my senses and repeat the process. I think about jumping into a negative habit like drinking more so I can enjoy that feel good tipsy time. I just wish I felt better. Anyway, the more positive direction is to type out my feelings, talk with my counselor, and dig down into my project for dad.
Okay, it’s almost 3am. I need to go to bed.
