Sorry for the late posting. I would have posted on Monday since I was supposed to have my second visit for my Assessment and they would be scoring my PAI, but then I had to reschedule. Basically, I ended up still working on Monday even though I’d asked for it off and when I called to reschedule the doctor offered to just do a whole different day. So, I have the visit scheduled for tomorrow and I’m hoping work will be as good as its been throughout the week. I haven’t had too many rooms and I was even able to hang out with one of my best friends from Florida! We had a good bit to drink and I woke up exhausted the next morning but it was all worth it! She’s always been there for me and she asked a very important question that didn’t occur to me as important until I went to answer.
For context, we were talking about really hot dudes and she was telling me about one she planned on seeing and when she showed me his picture, she was doing her usual sex talk and I randomly commented that I just needed a hug. She turned to me and asked what my first thought when I saw the picture and it occurred to me that I had zero interest in “humping” the poor dude. All I wanted was to be held and not be sexualized. That’s it. Is that too much to ask?
I realized in that conversation that I need a different relationship style. I don’t need anything sexual right now. I’m at a very sensitive time in my healing process at the moment. I’ve just opened a traumatic wound in the hopes of healing it correctly. The doctor even advised against anything sexual and I heartily agree with her. I just can’t do it right now.
I need to start my life in this new state with a new slate. The move is coming up next week and I’m excited for the new friendships I could get. I feel like the rest of this year just needs to be a more mental health focus.
Until then, I’ll see you online~