7-26-20

I’m hella anxious today. I’ve got a late shift at work and won’t be getting home until 11pm. I’ve always worked early shifts where other coworkers are there with me and if I need help, I can just ask. But I’ll be by myself and I’m not really too excited about that. My boss reminded me that if I needed anything, I could text her which is all good and everything but I still don’t want to be myself. I’ve worked at this place for a little over a week and I’ve seen some sketchy people a handful of those days. At the last place I worked, there weren’t very many strange people and even less during the day shifts. I mean, I’m gonna have to deal with crazy people at some point while working here, but I really want to procrastinate on that right now. I’m also a bit sad because even though I have tomorrow off, I still have to go in for a meeting, so it really doesn’t feel like I have a day off, regardless of whether the meeting only lasts like 30 minutes to an hour. I just keep telling myself to deal with one thing at a time. So, my focus is on this next shift. 8 hours. I’ll treat the shift like I usually do. 1 hour at a time. I have a terrible habit of writing down each hour and then marking them off as they come. It’s a physical way for me to keep track of how the hours are passing. Pretty much, once I hit 4 hours in, I’m usually a little more relaxed. By that point I’m shouting “I’m halfway there” in my head. When I worked weekends at my last job and I hit the 4-6 hour-ish mark I would literally do a little dance (mainly cuz I’m by myself so the only one watching is the person who may or may not be viewing the camera at that moment).

There was one day where I was like “I think today will be a good day. How about I mark every 2 hours instead of each hour” and it worked. But I was more confident and knew better details of that shift than what I do of this shift. I told myself that once it starts getting dark, I’ll know it’s almost time to go home. I think I’ll try some stretches and listening to a dance kind of playlist. I tend to notice that I’m a bit more relaxed if I do something physical. Maybe I’ll go bother my roommate and we can finally start doing the yoga poses on the di I bought from 5Below. I’ve got about 45 minutes until I need to start getting ready. May as well break as sweat before I have to shower. Speaking of my roommate. She’s such an adorable housewife. She waited until her dad left outside to turn to me and be like “So, I’ve been reading your blog and I’m worried about your eating habits because I know you were saying your anxiety keeps you from eating. So, I’m making sure you eat.” And then she proceeded to watch me eat ¾ of my plate because I’m a pussy who keeps grabbing more food than she can eat. I do appreciate it, although I feel like it’s such an annoying thing to watch someone deal with. This is in part to the fact that if I don’t eat something because I’m too anxious, I’ll be hungry and aggravated later, but if I do force myself to eat something my stomach will feel awful and I’ll be in an awful mood- but with more energy. It’s like a vicious cycle. So, to combat it, I bought that Positivity Tea (It’s called something else but I’m too lazy to get up and grab the box from the kitchen) from Wally World and it helps. I think this is partially due to the placebo effect and also because when I drink it, the warmth helps to relax my stomach versus when I drink coffee and it tends to tie up my stomach and give me the wrong kind of energy boost.

You know, I might bring a book to work. I talked with another coworker and was like “So, is us just standing here what usually happens during this shift?” Short answer: Yes. Long Answer: Yes, but don’t forget we have to keep stations clean and do the things on the checklist. I don’t want to be scrolling on the internet or on my phone for the long pauses in the shift (at least not the entire pause). I’d rather catch up on the reading that I am so desperately behind because my YouTube subscriptions have really been uploading during this pandemic.

There, I’m feeling a little more confident. I knew typing this out would help. I can already feel myself breathing easier. I even ate a bit this morning. I made myself some Positivity Tea and it helped to calm my stomach which was hurting badly enough this early morning that I couldn’t go back to sleep. I really need to see about looking into ways to stop that.

Let me make a list of optimistic things to help me:

  1. I know what I’m doing at work, for the most part. So, if I need help, there are people I can contact.
  2. It’s only 8 hours, not 24.
  3. Sunday’s aren’t usually too busy (this was even verified by Boss Lady)
  4. I have a warm and larger bed to come home to (thank god I bought a full and not another twin)
  5. Once I get off work, I won’t have to set an alarm to get up since the meeting isn’t until the afternoon.
  6. After the meeting, my roommate and I will get to go to my new favorite place, for unknown reasons: the laundromat.
  7. If I wanted to, I can stay up a little more after work and play some Witcher 3 on the Switch Lite like I did last night.
  8. I can dance at work and sing to good music like no one is watching, cuz mostly likely no one will be.
  9. Hell, I could probably type a post for the blog while at work. I’ve done it before. Better than doing nothing.
  10. Imma feel a little bit cuter than last time cuz this time I’ll be wearing pants that actually fit me (haha)

Alright, I think I’ll be okay. I just need to do some stretches. Do some dances. Tea. Good.

I hope y’all have a wonderful rest of this sunny and hot Sunday. See y’all online~

Published by iffybiffy

Hi! I started this blog to talk about exploring deeper into my mental health! I tend to understand things better as I write or type them down so there are time where things may not make sense to you but, fear not, it's just me understanding things. if you would like to get in contact with me, email me at iffybiffy100@gmail.com. See you online-

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