I’m going to start this post off with a story from my infant hood. Basically, my twin brother and I would get into a lot of trouble by sneaking out of our room and knocking over the trash can to reap the treasures inside. Oftentimes I would hear our parents coming and split, leaving my other half to get scolded in the trash. They knew it was me, so I’d still get scolded. I was deemed the “Trouble Maker” and my brother was the “Copycat” and we’ve long since outgrown those nicknames but I had a thought, today.
You see, I’ve come to realize that I do plenty of copying these days. I copy ideas (fanfiction), I copy mannerisms, I copy clothing styles, I copy phrases (especially while watching TV- if the phrase is funny, I mimic them), I even copy accents over time. I don’t know if this is normal as some of the examples I provided are pretty average. However, I started watching a lot of Tik Toks of users with Tourette’s because I find it interesting to see how someone with their condition lives in their day to day life. The thing is, ever since I started my medication (way before I watched the Tik Tok videos) I would find myself getting sudden energy bursts where snapping my fingers or lightly clapping my hands would feel so good that I wouldn’t want to stop. I’d literally be talking to someone while repeatedly snapping my fingers and I’d barely notice. I think most of the sudden energy has passed as a side effect but every once in a while, last night for example, I’ll just want to do something repeatedly. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and had a really strong urge to just shake my hand. Not in a “hey nice to meet you” pre-COVID kind of way but in a “I’m trying to pop my wrist” but with way more repetition kind of way. And sometimes I have to touch something a couple of times to make sure it’s there. Like I did with my face just now. I touched it like 3 times for no reason. The first time was to feel it (testing to see how dry my skin is) but then I repeated it like I’d forgotten what it felt like.
Now, I don’t want you to get confused. I don’t think I have Tourette’s. I think I suffer from being a huge copycat. It’s like, if I hung around someone who had way too much energy, I’d act just like them no matter how tired I was. This has always been an issue with me. I feel like I can never find out who I am if all I do is copy personalities, accents, actions, phrases, you name it. It’s like I’m pretending to be someone else constantly but I know I’m not them!
I suddenly feel so exhausted coming to this conclusion. Oh well, it’s almost 1030pm. I need to sleep anyway. I have work in the AM. Goodnight, folks.
See y’all online (I just remembered I copied that phrase from my dad’s old blog)
