Am I the copycat?

I’m going to start this post off with a story from my infant hood. Basically, my twin brother and I would get into a lot of trouble by sneaking out of our room and knocking over the trash can to reap the treasures inside. Oftentimes I would hear our parents coming and split, leaving my other half to get scolded in the trash. They knew it was me, so I’d still get scolded. I was deemed the “Trouble Maker” and my brother was the “Copycat” and we’ve long since outgrown those nicknames but I had a thought, today.

You see, I’ve come to realize that I do plenty of copying these days. I copy ideas (fanfiction), I copy mannerisms, I copy clothing styles, I copy phrases (especially while watching TV- if the phrase is funny, I mimic them), I even copy accents over time. I don’t know if this is normal as some of the examples I provided are pretty average. However, I started watching a lot of Tik Toks of users with Tourette’s because I find it interesting to see how someone with their condition lives in their day to day life. The thing is, ever since I started my medication (way before I watched the Tik Tok videos) I would find myself getting sudden energy bursts where snapping my fingers or lightly clapping my hands would feel so good that I wouldn’t want to stop. I’d literally be talking to someone while repeatedly snapping my fingers and I’d barely notice. I think most of the sudden energy has passed as a side effect but every once in a while, last night for example, I’ll just want to do something repeatedly. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and had a really strong urge to just shake my hand. Not in a “hey nice to meet you” pre-COVID kind of way but in a “I’m trying to pop my wrist” but with way more repetition kind of way. And sometimes I have to touch something a couple of times to make sure it’s there. Like I did with my face just now. I touched it like 3 times for no reason. The first time was to feel it (testing to see how dry my skin is) but then I repeated it like I’d forgotten what it felt like.

Now, I don’t want you to get confused. I don’t think I have Tourette’s. I think I suffer from being a huge copycat. It’s like, if I hung around someone who had way too much energy, I’d act just like them no matter how tired I was. This has always been an issue with me. I feel like I can never find out who I am if all I do is copy personalities, accents, actions, phrases, you name it. It’s like I’m pretending to be someone else constantly but I know I’m not them!

I suddenly feel so exhausted coming to this conclusion. Oh well, it’s almost 1030pm. I need to sleep anyway. I have work in the AM. Goodnight, folks.

See y’all online (I just remembered I copied that phrase from my dad’s old blog)

Published by iffybiffy

Hi! I started this blog to talk about exploring deeper into my mental health! I tend to understand things better as I write or type them down so there are time where things may not make sense to you but, fear not, it's just me understanding things. if you would like to get in contact with me, email me at iffybiffy100@gmail.com. See you online-

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