I’m going to jump right into this topic because I’ve just finished off 20 fl oz. of Redbull and it’s almost 1am which means it’s the emotion hour.
Scratch that. It is 1am. Recently, and when I say that I mean within the past 6 months, I’ve spoken with my friends Nigel and Nickie G about open relationships. Apparently, there is way more that goes into them than just wanting to see multiple people at the same time. Nigel told me he has a lot of love and wants to share it with others. I can understand that but it is different for me. You see I broke up with my last relationship, not just because we are honestly so much better as geeky friends, because I wanted to have the freedom of multiple casual relationships. I’m not all about love, but more about freedom and comfort. I’m a selfish person and I’m young; therefore, I want to soak it all in. And don’t confuse this with me being a “friends with benefits” type of person because I have way too much trauma work to do before I can even think about having sex with every person I date. I just want to feel free and comfortable. It’s something I’ve not always had. I don’t want to think about marriage, kids, a picket fence, the works. I want trips to the bar (not now, due to Covid), I want cuddle puddles, I want no guilt. I don’t care if people judge. Hell, I had a guy judge me just a couple weeks ago that I met at work. We went from Snapchatting and flirting to him pretending to be on the phone every time he passed by me (which was surprisingly a lot for someone trying to avoid contact with me) and the main thing that hurt was his lack of confidence to just tell me he didn’t want to have an open relationship.
I am enjoying my freedom and I understand it isn’t for everyone. But there is so much to learn. I haven’t set all my boundaries or even come up with answers to some questions I’ll probably be asked. Like, would I date someone with kids? Because, I have no idea. Maybe if they were good looking enough… I’m not even sure if that was a joke or not. Being 22 is wild. I’ve done more than what I accomplished at 18 but it feels so little. It feels like it’s not enough. I’m just glad I’m past the comparing phase. (I think) Anyway, this post took a turn. I need to pull over and rest. (No, I’m not texting and driving).
I’ll see y’all online. I’m surprisingly pooped for someone who’s been sipping Redbull for the past hour.