The other day my older brother and I were on the phone talking about issues we were having at our workplaces. The both of us are well liked and responsible and this is mainly because we do what has to be done but we will kiss butt if we need to. The thing is, we both admitted to wishing our personalities were more like our dads because he just didn’t give a fork. Sure, dad could be caring and funny because he was actually a people-person but he still maintained a heavy “idgaf” mentality. I really couldn’t tell you if he developed this personality or if he’s always had it because I keep hearing that he rarely gave a crap when he was younger but he could have developed it after he was kidnapped and almost killed, resulting in him realizing how unforgivably short life is. Or maybe it’s both. Either way, you get my point. Er, our point. The both of us want to become the type of person our father was because life would be so much easier. People wouldn’t influence us as much they do right now and we could start making more of our own decisions. I’m proud of my older brother because he is definitely more on his way than I am but I know I will get there.
The thing is, there are times where I feel that I am being more challenged than him. I don’t know if it’s because I’m younger and maybe he had the same issues at my age or what, but I’m feeling so frustrated at times. Maybe it’s because the people in the city I live in are just so nuts. Sometimes I wonder if I come off as angry more so than confident in my decisions. An example would be of yesterday when a guest was scouting out our closed off pool area. I watched him until he walked up to the side and started pulling a chair up to take and I rushed outside, angry that he was thinking this was okay, and yelled, “Can I help you?” The man looked up all startled and I told myself I could have come across a little less angry but at the same time, what else should I have done? If i just walked out and asked in a not so serious tone, he could have just continued taking the chair and ran off because he was in a faster situation than I was. I feel like I’m in a precarious situation where I need to draw the line between confident and angry. There are times when I can yell, but I need to be professional at work. I can be confident and get the job done the same way. Sometimes, I wonder if I have anger issues or if maybe I just never used my anger enough to draw my line.
Now, speaking of my older brother, I also have a twin brother who is 1 minute older than me. He has definitely mastered the “idgaf” vibe. In fact, he has pretty much turned into dad. He loves his computer, he’s lanky like dad was, he laughs similar to dad (except more high pitched), he likes history on war like dad, etc. I could keep going. It’s so interesting to watch my twins growth and he’s taken an extra step today! I’ll keep this short since this isn’t the topic of my post but everyone cheer because he’s finally getting mental help! He called the doctor today and has another appointment in a few weeks. I can’t wait to watch his progress!