Last night I had a couple of dreams that left me with a whirlwind of emotions.
In my first one, I was hanging around the wrong man and he’d get on my nerves. We were dating but I had my eyes on an old coworker I used to work at a pub with. The guy I was seeing would take drugs and start attacking me. I’d fight back and he’d suddenly act like he was the victim. He even went as far as to bring his sister in the mess. I broke up with him and was leaving the building we were in when I came across another man who stopped me in the street to ask a question. I can’t remember the question but after I answered, he jumped at me and sexually assaulted me. I was a mess and could barely understand what was going on or why it had happened. I escaped him and tried to heal. Some friends came to visit me and we made our way through a little shop with nerdy merchandise when I saw the second man who had assaulted me. I panicked and fell to the floor. I explained to my friends what had happened and they each took an arm and guided me away from him. He tried to come up to us but my friends were adamant that he’d regret it if he tried anything. After that encounter, I was with the old coworker from the pub that I’d been crushing on when the first guy I’d dated came up to me. He had his sister with him and she slapped down papers of screenshotted messages between her and I about her brother’s abuse toward me. She threatened to call the police and say I was the abuser so I told her to do it because she didn’t have evidence of that. Hell, we both had bruises, it’s just my drug test results would come back negative, unlike his. There was more in the dream but I can’t remember most of it or even how it ended. I just remember rolling over in bed and staying silent for a long time. I felt mildly panicked, still, but I didn’t want to talk about it with my roommate. It was just a dream, after all. I just hate the feeling that came over me even after I woke up. It was like it had actually happened to me.
The second dream was completely different. A 180, if you will. It started off with another ex-coworker crush and I seated at work. He was being funny and a little bit flirty with me so I tried to flirt back but I kept reminding myself that he had a wife. At some point, the two of us left work and I met his daughter who was playing with some sort of cotton candy toy and I met his mother-in-law. I noticed the wife wasn’t around and wanted to question it, but didn’t have to. His MIL commented something about the two of them being divorced and it was like my heart jumped out of my chest. I tried to seem inconspicuous but it was probably the most obvious crush in the world. I, eventually, met his ex wife, and we actually kind of hit it off in a way. I mean, I didn’t have a crush on her but she and I vibed fairly well. Again, I don’t remember much else or how it ended. I woke up 4 hours after my first dream and just sat in bed, my heart still all pitter-patter because, gosh, I had the biggest crush on this ex-coworker. Like, I’ve never found someone as attractive as him and it hurt my heart to know that he’s actually married in the real world. I mean, good for them… but still, ya know?
Anyway, my brain has just been through too many emotions today. I think I’m going to try and relax with a hot bath and a Lisa Kleypas book. See y’all online!