I got a new job!

Some of you may recall that I was anxious about not having a job after my last day at the daycare on the 9th, so I did some hardcore Indeed-ing and over the time I had in Maine (the 13th-17th) I got a phone call from a hotel that a friend of mine works at and she pretty much helped me get the interview. I imagine she also helped in determining whether I got the job or not but I obviously can’t prove any of this.

I interviewed yesterday and felt so “in the middle” (ha, dodie song) about the whole experience. I’ve never been good at job interviews but can at least say that I’ve gotten better at them. So, she confirmed my email and told me she’d call me the next day and all morning my heart was pounding. I got a phone call around 8:30am and my body basically vibrating thinking it was the manager. Nope, just some scam call.

Finally, around 2pm I got a text from the manager that I was welcome aboard- she had been unable to call me due to my spotty reception because of where I live. My anxiety has finally dwindled and I can stop waking up to panic attacks every so often! The bills will be paid and I can continue living while I try to figure out the next step which is either A) where Nickie G and I are going to move to or B) What my future major will be.

Something I wrote on 8/15/19

Dodie has me thinking, today. I’ve had to catch myself in conversation with Monroe because I’m not paying her 100% of my attention. Bad me! Let me explain. In Dodie’s book “Secrets for the Mad…”, she describes how little she feels during her outings with her friends and how it affected how she absorbed the experiences. At one point in time, I could relate to that. Around 2016, I was just kind of going through the motions but, now, I can’t imagine not enjoying a day with my friends! I’m proud of myself for jumping through whatever hoops I had to get through to stand on the ground I’m currently on.

I was also just thinking about how much I used to hate my body and how careful I used to be about what I was going to wear. I blame my mom’s side of the family and their above average cup-sized genes. I think I’ll always remember a specific moment in high school when a group of female classmates asked me how I “got my boobs so big” and when I literally just said it was genetics, they started whispering to each other while flashing me some wicked side eye. I’m guessing from some of the comments they said, they assumed I was doing something to myself and it always made me feel so helpless that I couldn’t do anything to make myself smaller. That is, until I bought a chest binder for a Levi Ackerman cosplay and started wearing it along with my sweaters. Boom, I’d be almost A-cup flat. Granted, I had a uni-boob going on but, at the time, I’d rather that than two C’s. A handful of years later and now I’ve accepted how I look and own more form-fitting clothes. I don’t even know where the chest binder is, to be honest. Monroe even speculated that I might be in D-cup territory and the only reason I can find to hate that is that I enjoy running but it can be painful without the right support. So, I don’t completely hate myself at this point. That’s a goal kids these days shoot for, right?

On the topic of changing, I’m also proud of the “I don’t give a fuck” mentality growing deep inside me. Don’t be fooled, I still have certain people whose opinions I value. I’m slowly coming around to being able to wear whatever I want outside and be able ignore the stares of people who assume I will shamefully go change. But, you know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of you and me. An ex told me that once, ha ha! The current problem I’m running into is that when I really get into the “IDGAF” vibe, I can mentally turn into a bitch and I try to avoid that as much as possible. An example would be me, 2 hours ago, angrily searching for a cheap journal and pens at the bookstore so I could write all these feelings down and type them up later (which im doing now). I was just feeling like a badass at the time because I was wearing a bit of a risque outfit and I was trying to push the IDGAF mood as hard as I could. I ended up pushing it too far and just became bitchy thinking I was “so cool” for not caring so I ran around the bookstore trying to find a dang journal. It was all just a ego trip and I just need to stop ha ha!

I like to look back at all the changing I’ve done. It all makes me proud that I’ve come so far.

Tip #4 Breakfast is a great motivator!

If any of you are like me and need something delicious to get you jumping out of bed- or at least hitting snooze only a few times- then a good breakfast might help you. I tend to mix up my breakfasts a few times a month because I’m still trying to find the cheapest and best breakfast that’ll still get me to want it by the time I wake up in the AM. You could always try things like coffee, juice, milk, breakfast shakes, etc for drinks and maybe some waffles, pancakes, grits, biscuits, or breakfast bars as something that might be quick if you’re under a time crunch like I am. It’s really up to you and I highly suggest it to help get you out of bed and it’s all healthy and stuff.

I know there are some people out there that don’t like breakfast or just don’t eat it for one reason or another but if you’re struggling to get out of bed, it can be a great pace-changer.

If anyone has any other motivators that help them get out of bed, please feel free to share! If it works and I don’t have to buy breakfast any more than that’ll be a great penny-pinching tool for me, ha ha!

I’m so early!

I’m literally so early to my flight that the flight before mine is about to leave. I panicked thinking my flight was on another concourse but then realized: 1) my flight doesn’t board for another hour 2) the flight posted on the board is expected to leave soon.

I’m dumb

Although I’ll give myself some credit, I only panicked for a few seconds before looking on my app and putting two and two together. Now I’m bored. I’m not hungry and the smell of all the food is just making me feel blah. I already explored the other stores, so I’ve got nothing to do but wait an hour here.

I guess I’d rather be early than late. My first flight, I made it by the skin of my neck. My brother was dropping me off and something went wrong where he had used my card to pull into parking but then they had to use my card again to get the car out (I don’t remember why they didn’t just drop me off) and that took up so much time because of course the machine ate my card. Then the TSA line was just long enough for me to panic even more. My plane was actually delayed about 15-30 minutes while I was in line so I was given some relief. Don’t even talk to me about scrambling around hundreds of people to get into the trams. It’s not hard to follow the signs after that, but ya girl was doing a jog to keep from panicking.

I love the plane ride though! I felt so bad for the person next to me because I kept peeking out of the blinds which shined light on their laptop. I apologized and when I told them this was my first flight, they were surprised since I was about 19. They were really sweet though and I eventually just stopped pulling the blinds up. On my flight back home, everything just went super smoothly and by that time, I was too jaded to pull back the blinds more than a time or two. I just like watching the take off and the touch down.

I think I’ll watch some YouTube videos to pass the time. I think I’ve got some Jenna Marbles videos I haven’t seen, yet.

Good Morning, Anxiety Attack

I woke with a 99.0 temp and my anxiety’s trademark chest pains at around 5:30 am. Before this past week, I hadn’t had these chest pains since I was in the 6th grade and had missed several test due to being ill and ended up missing another day due to the strength of the pains.

This past week has me giving out chest pains like candy during Halloween. I’m still weak from being sick this weekend, so I’m having to catch myself and wait out the pain as if it’s a period cramp.

Deep down, I know it’s because I’m nervous as hell that we won’t get to the airport in time and I’ll have wasted over $300. My roommate and I have already got our plan of action: leave super early, get there a few hours before departure, get on plane, be successful, enjoy Maine, etc.

But that still isn’t calming me and this is what I get for being an anxious person.

Feeling much better and am packing for Maine!

I ended up with a 103 fever last night that drifted down to 101 this morning. It took some time, medicine, and a LOT of short naps but I’m back to my normal self! (Minus slight congestion)

I spent some of my morning and night packing and I’ve decided I won’t take too much with me. I just want a carry-on and my purse like I did during my flight to Florida a few years ago. I’m ecstatic to see one of my best friends soon!

One of my other best friends, and roommate, has graciously agreed to drive me to and from the airport and we even decided on a time to leave early. I do have anxiety that we won’t get there in time even though I’ll have a couple hours before my flight. It’s because I almost missed my flight to Florida all because of a misunderstanding about parking. My roommate knows more about the airport though since she’s flown more so I feel better about this go round.

Y’all just wish my luck that I don’t miss my flight!

Tip #3 Got your Parking Pass?

This tip is for all the students out there who don’t automatically assume they need a parking pass. Most colleges my friends and family have gone to have required a parking pass, but not all of them will. It’s always best to look into this by, either, going to that college’s website or by visiting the college campus- although some will ticket or tow for parking without a pass, so I’d suggest checking their website or calling/emailing them.

Side note: If you can’t afford a renewed parking pass, I’ve had friends and family milk their expired parking passes before and get away with it. So, if you feel like you can get away with that then feel free because some of the security staff don’t always look close enough. Personally, I would only do this if I absolutely couldn’t afford a renewal as I’m an anxious person and wouldn’t want that weighing over my head during my classes. We’ve all got enough to worry about. I really don’t see why parking passes aren’t free in all colleges considering we pay so much!

I went through my last week and I STILL got sick!

Working in a daycare is all work and pay until something starts making its’ way around the center and you end up sick! A couple weeks ago, I came down with a 104 fever and was out for a few days. I hoped that’d be the last of it but those germs just love me- and every other kid in the center! What I thought was just me being congested, has festered into a minor cold (at least, that’s what I think it is). Today was my last day at the job and I thought I’d made it home free but the 100.4 fever I just checked has, since, proven me wrong.

Great, time to spend the weekend putting in job applications and downing medicine with my water! I hope everyone else has a better weekend than me. That includes you, Joana Ceddia!

Kinda romanticizing a Youtube channel, right now…

I’ve been binge watching the fudge out of Joana Ceddia and I have definitely had some thoughts on making my own channel. Only thing is, I don’t actually have much to say or do and I’m not original. It’s like what Dodie once said- and I’m paraphrasing here- Everyone is their favorite parts of other people. I basically sound like Jenna Marbles, think like Dodie, and act like Joana.

Nothing to see here, just a horrifying creation based off of the creativity of Youtubers! But, don’t be alarmed if I post more about how I’m feeling. I’ve definitely got a lot to say on that subject, so I’m either going to talk to my pretend audience in the shower or type to my pretend-ish audience on my blog.