I’m continuing this series with a final assemblance of cruddy college memories about being made uncomfortable and ending shitty relationships.
To start off, I had a guy ask for my number when I worked at McDonalds and after, maybe, our 3rd phone call, he started asking me questions about having children with me and when I told him to stop and leave me alone, he proceeded to call me off of other people’s phones. He called me off and on throughout my first semester until a friend helped get him to stop. I wished I’d had an iPhone at the time since Androids don’t let you block numbers from reaching you, completely, without going through your provider. I figured it was easier to just press ignore than deal with people I couldn’t understand over phone.
My next experience was when I was talking to a guy in my new college friend group and after spending the night with him because it had gotten really late, he had tried to feel me up and when I told him no, he started crying and I left. An awkward experience to say the least. I’d barely known the guy, too, so everything was like 10x more awkward.
Not long after that, I met a guy I fell head over heels for and we started up a really, really rocky relationship. It didn’t last long due to mental health reasons but I learned his best friend liked me and they started fighting over me, literally treating me like property by my ex saying he felt he would be mentally ready to date me by the end of the month so his friend couldn’t date me after that point (It’s a confusing and long story). It was horrible and something that really damaged my boundaries. An example of this being that my ex and his friend used to poke at me because they thought the noises I made were funny/cute, or they’d just be overly touchy feely- which I could too, so it was justified- and after our big blowout, I hated any physical contact with them. My ex’s friend moved but he and I still talk on occasion as we’ve been trying to repair what little friendship we have. One of the last times we’d hung out, he asked if I wanted to go out to eat and while we were waiting for a table, he poked at my side to make me yell. I just looked at him and in a dead serious tone, told him to stop. I’d had to ask him to stop a few times before because I no longer felt comfortable but he’d really crossed a line after some point. However, my ex’s response to this was just to laugh which just made me angry. He still thought I was joking, I guess. How? I have no idea. We haven’t hung out much since then and I’ve grown to a point that I think I’d just walk away from him if he tried to touch me, again.
I’ll try and make this next one short because, wow, that last paragraph was a read. My english teacher would be proud. So, I had two other encounters with guys, I didn’t really know all that well, hitting on me while I was in the cafeteria at college. The first one happened at the end of my freshman year, after that whole blowout with my ex and his friend. A guy came up to me while I was by myself and told me how he’d watched me and my friends and wanted to talk to me but I was never by myself. He basically threw himself a pity party that no girl would like him and that he wished a girl like me would date him and I just awkwardly declined him. After that, I waited till he left and packed my shit and hauled ass to the parking lot.
The other guy I had hitting on me got weirdly attached to me my last three semesters of community college. It was super awkward because he made it his mission, every time he saw me, to get me to say hi to him. I mean, he followed me around the cafeteria, one time, because I’d ignored his hello. At first, he was okay, but Monroe and I were having a conversation about how annoying our cats could be when he interrupted us to talk about how he wanted to throw his cat because it annoyed him so much. I think he meant it as a joke but how can you not get creeped out by a guy randomly inserting himself into your conversation to tell you he wanted to throw his cat out of annoyance. The top three worst experiences I had with him had to be: 1) he randomly hugged me from behind one day, which I put a stop to really quickly, 2) he got upset when I blocked him on Instagram, 3) he saw me walking around the track on campus and turned his car around to follow me for a few seconds while he tried shouting at me (there’s a slope that distances the track from the parking lot) and didn’t leave until he realized I was ignoring him. Thank god I don’t see him anymore.
Another failed relationship I had lasted, roughly, a month where I dated a guy who kept getting a bit handsy (i.e. squeezing/smacking my butt) but would deny any sexuality in it. Even after I told him to stop he just got defensive and wanted to know “if something happened” to me for me to act this way. Apparently, I’m not allowed to like being touched in certain areas at the beginning of a new relationship, I guess.
A third failed relationship, my last one before my current one, lasted a little bit longer but ended for, roughly, the same reasons. Can you see a pattern here cuz I can. Basically, he was worse because on our third date we went swimming and he told me a few things that made me highly uncomfortable: 1) “I wish you’d worn a bikini”, 2) “I can see the outline of your boobs”, and lets not forget this gem, 3) “Are you on birth control?” I had actually ignored my discomfort up until he was kissing me and when I went to pull away (because I still don’t like kissing due to being made fun of during the blowout with the ex and his friend) and instead of letting me pull away, he just placed his hand behind my head and pushed me to him. Red flags my boi. Red flags.
And, now, we are to my current relationship which has had a few moments where I’ve been uncomfortable and I’m still learning that I need to voice them immediately but it doesn’t help that with my track record, things usually end in a break up. I’m hoping he will really understand and genuinely let me take me time warming up to him. I haven’t told him any of these things because I feel like they’ve become crutches for me, sometimes. Like I’m making excuses, but I don’t know why they would be. Why would I need to have an excuse unless I just really don’t like the person? In which case, why would I, suddenly, not like my current boyfriend?
I’m still trying to figure things out, but I know the experiences I talked about have affected the way I think and feel towards intimacy and my relationship with my body. I’m curious to know if anyone reading this has dealt with the same battles and what you’re outcome to it all has been.
Until next time, peace fuckers.